I have had a really difficult time balancing my IRL and online lives lately. It seems like I can either focus on my IRL life - school, friends, boyfriend, etc. - or my online life - HPA, friends, etc - and it sucks. I want them both to be part of my life, equal parts. I'm just finding it so difficult to do! I seem to still be in "Twelfth Night" mode, where I basically ignore everything internet related. I don't want to, it just isn't on my radar anymore, and I hate it. I hate that I no longer have the urge to check my HPA email twenty times a day, or that watching YouTube videos no longer has the thrill it did. I hate that Tumbling, Tweeting and blogging are at the back of my mind. I want all of that back. But I like where I'm heading in my IRL life, so I don't want to cut anything back.
Most of all, I think it's my friends that I miss the most. Room 1725, and the HPA staff. I miss them like crazy. It's so hard to keep in touch when my priorities are school, and not checking the internet/twitter/email/whatever regularly. But they're so important to me. Some of my best friends are from Nerdfighteria.
I think what I'm trying to say here, is that I need more balance. Balance between the internet and the real world, balance between mental, spiritual and my physical needs, all of that. I've been feeling really out of whack in general lately, so I think that would help. I'm just not sure how or what I need to do.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Friday, February 24, 2012
Adulthood
I've been trying to write a blog post the past few days, but I've come up short. I don't know what to write about, in both fiction and non-fiction. I suppose I'm in a bit of a dry spell, sort of creatively tapped. I want to change that - do the whole "force myself to write" thing. Let's see how it goes.
Today I went downtown for lunch with Emily. We ate at Cafe Pichlingue, which has yumy food and a cute interior, but the owner is a little...unreceptive. However, it was past the lunch hour, so the cafe was quiet. We had the place mostly to ourselves for the larger part of our time there. It was great - it felt less like a public place, more intimate. We talked a lot about what we joked after were very "adult" topics - apartments, jobs, university, our relationships. My conversation with Emily made me realize something, something that I have been realizing more and more this week - I am an adult. I realize that this probably sounds ridiculous because I am an adult, and have been a legal adult for three years now. It just didn't feel like an adult. Sure, I moved away from home, went to college, started making a life for myself. But I didn't feel like a real adult. I just felt...like me. But now, it's different. I don't know what exactly is different about this week, maybe it's the end of the school year looming, maybe it's the fact that I am in a committed relationship for the first time ever, maybe it's the fact that Dylan and I don't know where either of us will end up come September. Maybe it's the fact that we have been toying with the idea of moving in together in September, which, quite frankly, is kind of scary. Maybe it's a combination of all of those.
But my point in this post isn't to throw all of my fears out onto the internet. It's just a musing, a musing as to why all of a sudden life feels more adult. And what does that even mean? My life before was certainly "adult" - I had responsibilities that I fulfilled, I paid bills, I ran a successful theatre production, etc. It's strange that now, suddenly, I feel like an adult more than I did before.
Today I went downtown for lunch with Emily. We ate at Cafe Pichlingue, which has yumy food and a cute interior, but the owner is a little...unreceptive. However, it was past the lunch hour, so the cafe was quiet. We had the place mostly to ourselves for the larger part of our time there. It was great - it felt less like a public place, more intimate. We talked a lot about what we joked after were very "adult" topics - apartments, jobs, university, our relationships. My conversation with Emily made me realize something, something that I have been realizing more and more this week - I am an adult. I realize that this probably sounds ridiculous because I am an adult, and have been a legal adult for three years now. It just didn't feel like an adult. Sure, I moved away from home, went to college, started making a life for myself. But I didn't feel like a real adult. I just felt...like me. But now, it's different. I don't know what exactly is different about this week, maybe it's the end of the school year looming, maybe it's the fact that I am in a committed relationship for the first time ever, maybe it's the fact that Dylan and I don't know where either of us will end up come September. Maybe it's the fact that we have been toying with the idea of moving in together in September, which, quite frankly, is kind of scary. Maybe it's a combination of all of those.
But my point in this post isn't to throw all of my fears out onto the internet. It's just a musing, a musing as to why all of a sudden life feels more adult. And what does that even mean? My life before was certainly "adult" - I had responsibilities that I fulfilled, I paid bills, I ran a successful theatre production, etc. It's strange that now, suddenly, I feel like an adult more than I did before.
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