IRL vs Online

I have had a really difficult time balancing my IRL and online lives lately. It seems like I can either focus on my IRL life - school, friends, boyfriend, etc. - or my online life - HPA, friends, etc - and it sucks. I want them both to be part of my life, equal parts. I'm just finding it so difficult to do! I seem to still be in "Twelfth Night" mode, where I basically ignore everything internet related. I don't want to, it just isn't on my radar anymore, and I hate it. I hate that I no longer have the urge to check my HPA email twenty times a day, or that watching YouTube videos no longer has the thrill it did. I hate that Tumbling, Tweeting and blogging are at the back of my mind. I want all of that back. But I like where I'm heading in my IRL life, so I don't want to cut anything back.

Most of all, I think it's my friends that I miss the most. Room 1725, and the HPA staff. I miss them like crazy. It's so hard to keep in touch when my priorities are school, and not checking the internet/twitter/email/whatever regularly. But they're so important to me. Some of my best friends are from Nerdfighteria.

I think what I'm trying to say here, is that I need more balance. Balance between the internet and the real world, balance between mental, spiritual and my physical needs, all of that. I've been feeling really out of whack in general lately, so I think that would help. I'm just not sure how or what I need to do.

Adulthood

I've been trying to write a blog post the past few days, but I've come up short. I don't know what to write about, in both fiction and non-fiction. I suppose I'm in a bit of a dry spell, sort of creatively tapped. I want to change that - do the whole "force myself to write" thing. Let's see how it goes.

Today I went downtown for lunch with Emily. We ate at Cafe Pichlingue, which has yumy food and a cute interior, but the owner is a little...unreceptive. However, it was past the lunch hour, so the cafe was quiet. We had the place mostly to ourselves for the larger part of our time there. It was great - it felt less like a public place, more intimate. We talked a lot about what we joked after were very "adult" topics - apartments, jobs, university, our relationships. My conversation with Emily made me realize something, something that I have been realizing more and more this week - I am an adult. I realize that this probably sounds ridiculous because I am an adult, and have been a legal adult for three years now. It just didn't feel like an adult. Sure, I moved away from home, went to college, started making a life for myself. But I didn't feel like a real adult. I just felt...like me. But now, it's different. I don't know what exactly is different about this week, maybe it's the end of the school year looming, maybe it's the fact that I am in a committed relationship for the first time ever, maybe it's the fact that Dylan and I don't know where either of us will end up come September. Maybe it's the fact that we have been toying with the idea of moving in together in September, which, quite frankly, is kind of scary. Maybe it's a combination of all of those.

But my point in this post isn't to throw all of my fears out onto the internet. It's just a musing, a musing as to why all of a sudden life feels more adult. And what does that even mean? My life before was certainly "adult" - I had responsibilities that I fulfilled, I paid bills, I ran a successful theatre production, etc. It's strange that now, suddenly, I feel like an adult more than I did before.

The Fault In Our Stars

"The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves."

I woke up on January 10 feeling normal - much calmer than the night previous when I had a minor breakdown after calculating how much it would cost to get me to LeakyCon this year, and said number being far too large for me to obtain. Then I checked Twitter. And I realized with more excitement than I can quite convey here that January 10 was TFIOS Day. The more I read tweets from Nerdfighteria exploding with excitement, the more excited I got. I checked my Amazon order, and realizing that it wouldn't be shipped unti January 19, cancelled the order and decided to go get my copy at my local Chapters. After class, of course.

Which mean that I had to sit through class, nearly bouncing with excitement, until I could go get my beautiful green j-scribbled copy of The Fault in Our Stars. I started reading it that night, and devoured it. I took it to school and read it during my free time. I stayed up until 1:30 last night finishing the book.

I loved the book right from the start. It has John's typical flair to it - fun writing, quirky characters - so I just ate it up. I loved Hazel and how she looked at the world. I loved Augustus Water's constant metaphors. I loved their interactions. I even grew to love Isaac and Lidewij. I cursed at Van Houten (right in the middle of the Arts Centre hallway, mind you). I fell in love with Hazel and Gus' Amsterdam. But nothing affected me more than the ending. I have never weeped more openly, or felt more pain, from a book. Not even Harry Potter. I was just sad during Harry Potter. In The Fault in Our Stars, I felt Hazel's distraught. I put myself in her position. I can honestly say I have never identified that closely with a character, or felt what they were feeling that strongly. During the last 100 pages or so, I texted my boyfriend "I love you" repeatedly because I just couldn't stand what was happening. It was both amazing and horrifying, and kudos to John Green for being able to put that emotion into Hazel and her story.

Even with the distraught, I would read The Fault in Our Stars again in a heartbeat. John's writing has a way of capturing me that no one else's does, he pulls me right in, and I can't wait to reread The Fault in Our Stars (after I finish some other books in my ever-growing pile of "to read" books).

Tom Freaking Felton

It's no secret that I have a huge fangirl crush on Tom Felton, and have had for quite a while now. (I mean, come on, he was the entire reason I got a Twitter account in the first place.) So, naturally, when the Calgary Entertainment and Comic Expo announced that Tom would be attending this year's event, I freaked. Actually freaked. Flailing, screaming, shaking arms freaked. It's a good thing my classmates all know how big of a Harry Potter fan I am, otherwise they would think I am totally mad. (Well, they might think that already but...no more than I am already. Right?) See, they got to witness my flailing, screaming self when I discovered the glorious glorious news. Right in the middle of the scene shop. Mocking ensued, but I honestly heard none of it. I was tweeting, facebooking and texting everyone I knew that would care about the good news. (Well, Dylan had to text Kayla for me. I was unable to hit the buttons at that point because I was shaking so badly.)

AJSKLHFAUWBGW I AM GOING TO GET TO MEET TOM FELTON. AOIHAWGOINAWG

New Years

I had a whole year-in-review post written and I thought I had published it, but apparently Blogger glitched and only up to March got published. So, there is that. I'll rewrite it later, but right now, my goal is to talk about New Years.

I don't usually do anything for New Years. I usually spend it on my parents farm, watching movies with my dad (my mom, who works very early in the mornings, is usually in bed by that time.) But this time, I was back in Red Deer, so I spent it with my dearest friends.

Ben, Dylan and Matt hosted the "party" at their townhouse on campus. We had a potluck - Ben cooked a ham, which was amazing and completely took me by surprise, and mashed potatoes and roasted veggies, and there was a really delicious casserole and cheesecake and it was just wonderful. It hit me how much more like an adult it made me feel. A potluck is a very adult thing to have, no?

After dinner, we all headed down to their basement to watch movies. The new Start Trek was already playing, so we finished that, and watched some Arrested Development and a few episodes of The Office and Community.

Ben suggested Monopoly, so Lauren, Dylan, Ben and I crowded around the kitchen table. Dylan has Nintendo Monopoly, which was awesome. I took the lead early, buying about half a dozen properties in the first few rounds, but my lead didn't last long. There was one point when I was down to $36. But thanks to Dylan's generosity (aka giving me money to buy hotels to stop Ben, who was kicking all of our butts, from winning) and mortgaging a few properties, I got back into the game, and ended up winning, thanks to the hotels on my properties.

It was only about 8:00 by this point, though it felt ore like 11:00. We retreated back downstairs and continued to peruse Netflix. Until it was decided we would watch Attack of the Clones. Well, I can say I had never watched Star Wars that way before. There wasn't a horribly written/delivered line that we didn't  ridicule, or a ridiculous filming choice that we didn't laugh at. It was quite brilliant, actually.

Midnight came with a chorus "Happy New Years!" (and a New Years kiss) and then we settled back into Star Wars.

Really, it wasn't that much different from any other time my friends and I hang out. It just included some wine, and a potluck. It was definitely my best New Years celebration yet.

Secret Santa!!

An owl plushie, Christmas candy, mix CD
and 11's Sonic Screwdriver!

I got my HPA Secret Santa gift in the mail today, and it made my day. Getting things that aren't bills in the mail makes me happy normally, so to find out that it was a) from a wizard b) all nerdy stuff and c) for Christmas made me the absolute happiest of pandas! Not to mention that it is from one of the greatest people in the world, miss Eileen Smith. Words can't explain how much I adore her. <3

SONIC SCREWDRIVER!

On PayPal

Last night/this morning, the online Harry Potter fandom kind of exploded over this article. Basically, what happened, is Regretsy was collecting money so that they could send gifts to kids in need. They collected the donations through the PayPal donate button, and PayPal ended up freezing their account for reasons that don't make very much sense. (Such as "what you're doing is not a worthy cause, it's a charity" therefore they can't use the "Donate" button. Uhm.)

The Potter fandom kind of went BOOM! and people are talking about boycotting PayPal by closing their accounts. While I am thrilled that we as a community are so passionate about doing right, I don't think cutting off all connections with PayPal is the right answer. There are shops online that you can only use PayPal through - such as Etsy. If you cut off your PayPal, you would no longer be able to support the independent artists on Etsy, which I for one am not willing to do. Some of those people may only use their crafting as their income, and I for one am more than happy to support them, even if it does mean using PayPal.

Yes, I agree that we should fight for change. Yes, I agree that we should cut PayPal out where we can, but because they have such a huge stronghold, it's difficult. So I am going to be cutting PayPal out where I can, and where I can't, I am going to send emails, asking for the website (such as Etsy, or DFTBA records) to find a new way for their customers to purchase merchandise. If there is enough demand, they'll want to change.