American History X

Note: This is obviously not a BEDA. I already wrote a BEDA. But I need to get this out while it's fresh.

I just finished watching American History X. If you know anything at all about the movie, you may think it was a strange choice for me to watch. I mean, it's basically all about racism and skinheads. And if you know anything about me at all, you know that I have no tolerance for that kind of BS. But I put it on because it was on my shelf and I hadn't watched it yet and well...Edward Norton is in it, and Edward Norton is amazing.

The first images of the film are haunting. Black and white. Waves. I know from the first shot get-go that the film is going to be a powerful one. But as soon as the waves disappear, and the rest of the film starts to play, I also realize how difficult it is going to be to sit through. It was violent. Crazy violent. And the hate crimes portrayed in the movie were graphic. Definitely not as graphic as they could have been, but more graphic than I have ever experienced, and it left me sobbing and unable to watch. I actually covered my eyes and ears at one point because I was just so mortified.

I was about ready to turn off the movie at the one hour mark. The things I saw, and heard come from the characters mouths disturbed and disgusted me. I had to take a break. I walked into Kayla's bedroom, shaking. I felt weak. I honestly didn't know if I could keep watching the film. It was emotionally taxing. But I also had a feeling that if I quit now, I would regret it. I had this feeling that the ending was going to be amazingly powerful, and I knew if I quit I would never watch it again.

I may never watch it again. I just don't know. But I do know this - I have rarely felt more moved by the end of a film. More moved by a desire to do good, to change how things are. To stop the hate.

Throughout this entire film I didn't stop thinking about the HPA. It was always at the forefront of my mind. I have honestly never been more grateful to be part of this amazing organization. If I wasn't already a staff member, this film would have made me sign up.

I don't even know if I can properly convey how it made me feel, because I don't even know myself. But this is the exact reason why I love films. This is why I love story telling and why I want to create for a living. I want to move people like I have just been moved. I may never do it. And I'm okay with it. But just the knowledge that someone has that power....it's outstanding.